What's up, doc?

As I decided once again that being angry and complaining will end up like before, I took my lovely pinky to a hard walk into the sunset. Way up to Rhenen I manage to relax a little bit watching the fields under the cloudy sky going darker into the night.

Then, the moment of truth came. There I was firing up my feet up on the dike. A sudden smile aroused when I remembered the fluffy lambs and the very fast running sheep that I saw there on Sunday, or the small rabbits crossing my way a few months ago, or the ducks on a dark alley that scarred me in the middle of the night
And there it was, only a few meters in front of me, looking towards me. It can't be, my eyes are seeing things again. Hmm, it's really moving ... faster ... faster ... it was running the same speed as me. For a couple of minutes I was chasing a rabbit.

Be vely vely quiet. Sssst! I'm chasing wabbits!

To do list: biking gloves and a helmet.

collecting footsteps

I am guilty. I cannot stop doing it: either I start it myself or just someone arises from nowhere and grabs me there.

I’ve collected footsteps of capitals and unknown cities, under my bike or a car, under trains or airplanes, under my own foot. There were hundreds and thousands of kilometers. There were tens of new people met. It's completely nothing compared to others; it's what others will never even dare to dream about.

Besides all is what remains inside. The water flows continuously. Within myself I’m challenged to new feelings, to build slowly, to were a new pair of eyes linked to the past views. I am hungry of more.

Points of view

Since I arrived in the Netherlands I was confronted with an issue: what makes me as a Romanian different from other people, what defines the Romanian way of viewing life. Excepting the traditions, language, way of snoring, there are some hidden things that you discover while you are in contact with peoples from other countries.
Recently, after a few talks with different peoples I realized the reasons for continuing my experience; mostly they are the good parts, but also there are the bad parts that once discovered makes me want to confront them.

I was reading the comments after the vote regarding the suspended president of Romania and there were 2 remarks that made me write this post:

If a parliament elected by us found that he was wrong, then there must be
something in it. I did not need to analyse their decision, I just trusted them. (source)

I support the president, because he stands alone against everybody. (source)

N.B. Those comments ARE NOT representative for the general romanian opinion. I just post them as they made me aware of a point of view from which I could make some light in my corners :)
The first one made me think about the importance of reviewing your past decisions.
I've read the second one having in mind a discussion about blindly supporting the one that is fighting alone without asking myself about the reasons that made him do that or the effect of his/her actions.

the time has come

the further I step ahead the stronger it gets, both the sword and the daemon
it's a long, strange path ahead
more greener that it have ever been
deeper moment by moment
it doesn't have an end, only a story

[...]Keep the beast in my nature under ceaseless attack[...]

beauty of life

In the past few months, one song keeps on singing inside my head ... mostly for this :

So no one told your life was gonna be this way.

... be it mostly that my mind comes out of a storm, or be it (not so often) when I feel really low and disappointed and "blah blah" ... a smile of wonder and joy sticks on my face; the happiness of the moments that I'm living and the amaze of how things turned out to be ... it's so funny weird ...

share

I was reading last week some reactions after one of the greatest AIESEC conferences: ITC. Even though I wasn't there to live that experience, the conferences and other AIESEC activities that I've attended so far helped understand a big part of the enthusiasm and happiness present in the e-mails. One thought stick to my brain: sharing; sharing your life experience, your ideas, your vision, your view of everything.
As I read blogs pretty often, I recognized in sharing the biggest value of one.

I begun writing this blog as many friends asked me to tell them how is it like; after that different reasons made me write another and another post: the happiness of doing what I've done so far; or the lack of happiness, seeking for admiration from you, being proud of what I write about, just to make me happy; or the thought of writing some kind of a travel journal. Sometimes I put down only facts, other times only feelings in the way I could.

Now, above all reasons, I am aware that sharing an experience it's a big deal ... for real.

Avoid the war

Liberation Day (Dutch: Bevrijdingsdag) is celebrated each year on May 5 in the
Netherlands to mark the end of the German occupation during the Second World
War.

Lucky me, the place where the treaty was signed is Wageningen, the city where I live ... so you can imagine that it was the center of the entire celebration.

For now I want to stop a little bit on the street theater that happened on the night of the 4th of May, the beginning of the celebration. It happened on 2 levels stage in a square in Wageningen, next to the hotel where the treaty was signed back in 1945.
A group of young people dressed in white were the ones acting. On the top level images were projected.
At the beginning it was a peaceful blue sky, lovely birds' songs, slow movements; all was full of harmony and peace and purity. The rhythm became more energetic: the struggle for staying alive, for reaching the lost moments of the wonder of living; strong noises of bombardiers, screams of a young woman, physical punishments of bodies dressed in white.
They put the entire feeling of a dark war into art; in my mind only one idea was present: stop the war; give the sky, the sounds, the life to the ones dressed in white.
It ended with the scene of finding back the peace after the war: music, confetti, the loved person ... but it looked so strange to me this celebration of the end of the war. It's the best attitude to be happy when it is over, but in the same time the memories of the bad things that happened were still alive; the happiness of life wasn't so pure as at the beginning.

Avoid the war; it will end some day, but the memory will be alive for ever, exactly as the memory of a happy moment stays in your mind...

Wait and smile

The best place to buy fresh vegetables and fruits is the open market (and the cheapest one ;) ); I always loved to go to the open market in Romania, even though usually I was ending up spending so much time in trying to decide which is the best to buy or ... hmmm ... this also looks good ... this must be so yummy.
Here I was a little bit disappointed when I found out that the open market is only 2 days in a week (Wednesday and Saturday for Wageningen) and it usually ends up too early for me (13.00 on Wednesday and 16.00 - 17.00 on Saturday).

Anyway, the topic of this post is about what a smile and a little bit of patience (or the lack of it) may do.
Two weeks ago I was doing my usual tour of the market, as I was in Wageningen. I stopped at my favorite stall from where I buy the grapefruits and where the old man screams out loud the prices (twee euro kilobanaan één en de helft"). I picked my grapefruits and the waiting begun; I just had to give the money and I could go on my way. I don't remember what it was in my mind or what I had seen but I know that I had a huge smile on my face. As my patience was left home (I had to hurry to get in time to cook my first ever cake ... very important thing :) ), I begun moving from left to right and the other way around, trying to get the attention of any salesman available to take my money :)) . An old woman that was selling there saw me and apologizing, she told me that I'll be served as soon as possible. She even asked a cute girl that was helping her to came and see what I want to buy (that brought another smile on my face). In the meantime I couldn't help my self and picked some bananas ;). In the end, the old saleswoman came to me, and as an apology for my waiting she smiled while she put 2 other fruits in my bag and a merveilleux pineapple (yey, my first ever fresh pineapple :) ).
Yesterday, I've been again to the open market, as last Saturday I went away from Wageningen in a wonderful trip. Of course that I headed to the same stall, this time only for bananas and oranges. I head a great surprise when the same old saleswoman came to the corner where I was waiting. She apologized again for making me wait (she was speaking with another woman), that brought a smile on my face (this time a very shy smile, as my cold was controlling my face). But this time ... no pineapple, no reward for my patience ... she just attention me that the tomatoes are expensive when I asked for a kilo. We have a saying in Romania: The pitcher doesn't go twice into the water (translated mot-a-mot).

The next time you'll go to the open market, smile to the old saleswoman ... she may give you a pineapple ;)

Great expectations

Last Saturday I went on another amazing trip around Netherlands; that kind of traveling that I really enjoy: seeing all kind of places, human made things, flavour of different cities, smaller or bigger. The days before it I haven't thought about it not for even a second ... I just knew that it's going to happen and my mind didn't bother to make plans or preview it. This is what gives such powerful and unique and full of life flavour to my travelings: wake up in the morning, drink my milk/tea and step out the door without thinking at all about how it's going to be.
A few weeks before I was talking with a friend and setting up some expectations, reasoning the act of adventuring in this new trip. There were some good ideas there but they couldn't bring to me the joy of doing it.

Maybe a new time has come for me: living without being blinded by my own great expectations or idealistic approach on my acts. It's happening more and more often.

I have the same thing with human relations (a girl/woman that I like, friends, or just simple people around me): setting up my expectations and blindly going forward just with them in my mind; wanting one thing so much that everything second is given for fulfilling it ... and I wake up laughing on what a foul I have been.

Life has so many colors and flavours and it is so complex and dynamic that none of my fixed ideas can resist it. It has to go by itself like that smile that I've met on a sunny day.
Religion, living, happiness ... they know one word: courage

biking

1st of April

Biking

2nd of April

tuesday

My mind has to be really bored to listen to all those stupid thoughts about lucky or bad lucky day.
I think it's only coincidence that when I came here I was receiving unexpected great happy news or unexpected awesome things happened to me, and I also think that it's still coincidence that my last Tuesday are unexpectedly for bad news, moods, things. The good part is that at one point I've got fed up with bad and I just look with merci to my bad luck ... life is short, play more ... love comes back to you ... make love, not war ... just do it ... look, it's raining

AIESEC and “It's up to you”

I have just finished reading again the comments on the great news about Gabiza becoming the President of AIESEC International. Congrats Gabiza!
Her story together with stories of other AIESEC-ers are always remanding me about ''It's up to you’. The easiest thing for me is waiting for opportunities to came in front of my eyes, to be delivered to me, and not being the one that seeks for them, the one that creates them for himself. So far, I think it was also a little bit of luck that in almost one year of AIESEC I’ve been part of an OC, I’ve attended the TtT (Train the trainers), I’ve been to 4 conferences and focused on a traineeship in the same time. I'm totally convinced that giving up on fears and the commodity of day by day life I can seek and bring to life much more opportunities to develop myself within AIESEC.
There is another fact that made me one more time aware of the thing that it’s up to me to do whatever crosses your mind. Since I came to the Netherlands the though of organizing something with and for the trainees keep on bumping in my neurons. Due to different and silly reasons it remained only an idea … and now I saw that another trainee brought it to life. I don’t mind that someone else made it happen; I’m just looking at myself and wondering: Have you ever heard about It’s up to you?
To take it to a higher level, I am wondering which direction I should take. I love AIESEC and I see great opportunities for me to keep developing within it for the next few years … but for the same few next years I have other opportunities apart from AIESEC. Both of them require my full time and dedication. Being sorry for what I haven’t done it’s less and less my way of thinking day by day.
And now I’m thinking … thinking … thinking … It’s up to you!

P.S. Hmmm…this topic looks like a post for my green blog, if I haven’t put it there already :)

five

The strongest reason for me on going in eXchange with AIESEC was personal development, to put order in my life and rediscover myself.
Today there are exactly 5 months since I'm in the Netherlands. There were bad parts and good parts, I've been down in my ugly corners of myself and up on the miracle of living in this world. I've could done much more and I've done things that I've not dreamed about (or dreamed and forgot). Looking to my good time here I'm satisfied.
And as I am concerned on developing my friendliness part and human relationships, I celebrated this moment by a dinner at my place with those that helped me in making it happen: my ex AIESEC buddy, Iris, the TNco in AIESEC Wageningen, Chris, and the two first persons that I've met in the Netherlands, two great friends(Joost and my great TN manager Lisanne). I'm to happy to say more english words about them. All day long I've had a high felling of happiness and smiling. And to complete the list and because I love being around the other trainees ... Mihai(Romania), Eneko(Spain) and Bachar(Sweden).
Dinner and a walk on the Wageningen's dike in the night ... gezellig.
And it wasn't over: I received the first e-mail since I'm here from an old and dear friend from back home. Thanks Catalina.

I will put today's mood in a safe bag and use in every day that it will be raining. And the bad moods I want to trade them for words; anyone interested?

languages

I've heard so many people telling stories about how they forget that they have to speak in a particular language with different people ... and there it came my turn; quite funny for me.
First it happened 2 or 3 months ago while chatting with a romanian: it was english, than french and in the end a few words in romanian. My first reaction on seeing the romanian words: errr, in what language are you speaking?
After that an "aici" slept out of my mouth while explaining something to my boss.
Last week, I did it really great: "Do you want ceai, Mihai?" ... I didn't realized what I was saying until he begun laughing at me :)
And today, another bird flew out of my mouth "poftim?" (with a large smile to my boss).
I haven't paid very much attention to speak in a language or another; it is easy for me to control it (even though sometimes I really feel like talking 1001 words per second in romanian). It really amuses me to hear myself speaking in the wrong language ... hmmm ... I think I will try sometimes to speak suddenly only in romanian to somebody who doesn't know the language; I want to see the expression on his/her face :) ... any volunteer?

Blowing my nose

Today I've been very productive at work: I've filled my whole garbage bag with napkins.

Lately, I've become more aware of how similar humans are and how small this world it is. I've read more and more blogs and get to know more and more people and to my surprise I've discovered so many things in them that are also in me. Words can express so well feelings and images ... and words means also quiet. The human beings are so similar and in the same time so different, everybody is so unique.
I have a hunger for art, literature and meditation and philosophy. It is a totally different sensation than traveling or basketball or technology or black chocolate.